if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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