How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize