I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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