I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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