Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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