He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vagina is talking i cant
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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