Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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