Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Vodka?
Forever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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