This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
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I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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