i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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