she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What did we do last night that was yellow?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
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Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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