there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
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He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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