Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
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how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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