Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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