dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
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I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
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Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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