You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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