I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize