Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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