yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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