I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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