thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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