Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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