Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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