i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize