That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
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Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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