I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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