We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize