I wish I could punch you in the face.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
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He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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