Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
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My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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