I'm going to jail i love you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize