Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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