dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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