I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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