Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize