I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
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You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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