I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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