I wish my penis had an off switch
you would pick up someone in the library
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize