My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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