plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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