So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
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Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
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I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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