And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
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Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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