I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize