just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
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Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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