I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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