Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
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If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
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I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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