no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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