wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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