Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize