I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
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He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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