Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
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I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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